Could a teacher, preferably in social studies or civics, help me edit and add to this journal?

am in 9th grade Honors Civics and I have a couple of journals that I have to turn in. I just wanted to make sure they are well written and fully explained. Please comment if there are ANY spots where I could expand more or anything else....thanks to EVERYONE in advance!





Suppose someone conducting a survey asked you: Do you believe crime is a serious problem in the United States today? How would you respond? Explain your position.





Crime is definitely a serious issue in the United States today. We hear about different incidents through the news every single day and usually, these incidents occur over stupid things. Some cases that should be given attention are ignored because other silly cases are being contemplated over instead. This causes for there to be less order and more criminals on the loose.


ABC, FOX, PBS, CBS, and many more TV channels work hard to report news to the people of America everyday.

Could a teacher, preferably in social studies or civics, help me edit and add to this journal?
Just a couple of quick comments in general. In academic writing adverbs are hardly ever necessary, so see how your writing sounds when you begin to eliminate the adverbs. That will keep your writing more focused and crisp. Phrases such as "all in all" are not usually used in academic writing. Avoid passive voice (the form "crime is committed by many people" - instead say "many people commit crimes". Also avoid using the pronoun "I" if you can in formal writing. Third person is usually better.





Here are a few changes I would make:





Based upon everyday news broadcasts, crime is a serious issue in the United States today, and is often a result of ridiculous incidents that occur over stupid things. Some cases that should be noticed are ignored because of a focus on unimportant cases. The result is less order and more criminals on the loose.





The public broadcasters including ABC, FOX, PBS, CBS, and others work hard to report news to the people of America everyday. (This sentence seems misplaced here. I would probably put it at the very beginning.)





TV networks show accidents, murders, court cases, and burglaries. Lately, we seem to see more of such programming, including instances of high-school students shooting their principals, teachers, or classmates. Crime today is varied and complex, and therefore harder to deal with.





Crime wastes time, money, and effort, but preventing crime is an all-consuming task. (You don't really want to say that nothing can be done about crime - that would be defeatist and most people would say that things can be done, but society doesn't necessarily have the will to do it.) An example of this kind of crime could be not paying back a person. (Is that actually a crime??? You might want to say "An example of an incident that ties up the court system is not payng back a person", but I think this is actually a different issue,and usually involves small claims court rather than criminal court.) The parties could solve such a case peacefully, freeing up resources to tackle more serious crimes such as rape, murder, or fraud.





Part of human nature is to sometimes act without thinking, but such behavior seems rampant today. People use guns to kill without thinking of the consequences or the jail time they will have to serve.





Crime in the United States is a serious problem now, and is getting harder to address. Often released criminals commit other crime, hurting society once again, suggesting that the prison system is not working. Recidivism In the US seems to be getting worse and is a major concern.





I hope this helps. Best of luck with it.

permanent teeth